My Perfect...Moment

I'm having one of those perfect moments right now. This weekend at the retreat, we did this exercise where we went through all five senses and thought about how we saw God in them, and that's what I'm going to do right now to draw you a mental picture. It's 10:35pm. I got home about an hour ago, I had Bible study with a girl and then we hung out for a bit. I've already taken my shower, so I feel nice and clean and refreshed. I'm on the roof of the Enns' house, which is one of my top three places in Hong Kong. I brought this computer up to work on a video for this event on Saturday, but you know me, I had to check if I could get internet signal up here, and, well, you know what happens after that. While I was walking home, I saw the rooftop, and a ton (for Hong Kong anyways-about 25) stars, and decided it was warm enough to be up here. Here's the scene:

Right now I see the light post that is on the corner of the roof wall. Also a few stray pieces of laundry hanging on the line. I see the village houses surrounding this house, most of the houses are dark, except for 5 houses with dim lights on. I see mostly clouds unless I look straight up. There is a lot of light coming up over the mountain tops. If I had a sense of direction, I could tell you if I was looking at lights from China or lights from Kowloon. (Yes, I do know that China is north and Kowloon is South from here, but I haven't figured out yet which way is north. So let's just say I'm looking at China.) I am sitting in a plastic lawn chair, with a matching stool next to me. On it is a Coca-Cola coffee mug with cold water, my iPod, and my cell phone. I really only need one of those things right now, the water. I thought I really wanted to listen to music. But this is one of those rare moments in Hong Kong when music would not be an improvement. I'm wearing my pajamie pants and my hoody (not a jumper as Beckel would call it), so I am quite comfortable. I can feel a slightly cool breeze, that kept blowing the door open and shut, until I propped it open. I can smell a tiny bit of fresh air, and a lot of Herbal Essences. I can hear a few random dogs barking--thankfully not the ones next door or I would be tempted to drop something on them--traffic far off in the distance (it isn't that unpleasant when it's far away, almost like the ocean waves or something), the wind rustling in the trees, and the click-clacking of the keyboard. I taste onion-ess, sesame, and fruit jelly. I was given some Thai candy earlier. I am touching the chair I am sitting on, and the computer, which is warming up my lap.

I am experiencing God in all these things. This evening I spent some time with a girl from the youth group. She's going through some challenges right now. I wish I could solve them for her, or even help her solve them for herself. It's really frustrating. I wish I could change people. I think that is one of my challenges in life: I wish sometimes I could change my friends, the people that I don't get along with especially, sometimes my family, God, and myself. And the thing is I really can only change myself, and even that's subjective. I can change my relationship to those people though. I wish that I had answers for her, or even sound advice. I'm not sure I gave her either. I tried though. But in reality. It's up to God. And while I've been learning to make my advice not sound so flowery and Christianese (ex. Trust God, He'll take care of everything, or just pray some more, the answer will come) sometimes the truth is just those things. The things that are easiest to say, and hardest to do....and sometimes it's not. Someone told me that I always know what God's will is for me: it's that I love Him with everything, and love others. C.S. Lewis gave me a different perspective on loving others. He said that loving them doesn't mean that we have nice feelings for them, or even like them. (Previously I thought that if we forgave them, eventually, the good feelings toward them would come back.) Lewis was talking to a people in the middle of WWII. How were they supposed to "love" the Nazis? He said that truly loving someone means loving them like you love yourself. A lot of times we do things even we don't like, but we forgive ourselves, and wish we hadn't done it and weren't facing the consequences. He pointed out that we should wish it weren't so when someone does wrong, not glad that they'll be getting their punishment. That we wish deep down that it wasn't so, and that somewhere along the line, they get all those kinks in their soul straightened out with God. I'll tell you, if I lived in Nazi Europe, I would have a tough time not wishing that those men would go to hell. But that is not loving them.

I think this moment that I've been having for the last half hour is God telling me that He holds it. All of it. I can't have the answers nor should I.


What a relief.